I made the finals for Mamavation Mom! I was really worried for a few days that my unique way of handling life was too “much”, and I have been REALLY struggling with not changing myself to make other people like me. (PS – GO HERE for my giveaway And vote for me!)

It’s hard….especially after today, when I had a tough morning at playgroup. You want people to like you, but you have to be true to yourself, right?

I realized something very important this morning: Being fat does not define me. Most of the time (when not coloured by snide comments other people have made), I don’t see a fat girl when I look in the mirror.

You know what I see? I see the funny person who tells jokes when she’s sad. I see the girl who dyed her hair “Bordeaux” in the 10th grade, thinking it would be a nice bright red colour. I see the hardass who still cries when she runs over an animal on the road. I see the dot in my eye from that car accident. I see a great mom and a fantastic fiancée and a wonderful friend.

But the scale tells me something different. Yes, I am down .8 pounds this week, but I am still big. Bigger than I should be. And I can make all sorts of excuses and say it’s a gland issue or whatever is convenient, but I won’t lie to myself anymore.

I’m this big because I chose to sit on the couch rather than getting up. I chose to wallow in my cancer diagnosis and eat until I figured out what to do. I made the decision to be fat.

So now I’m making the decision to be healthy. I honestly don’t care if I get back down to a pre-Short-Stack size 8, I just want to not feel like I am right on the verge of a heart attack. I want to be able to chase my kids around and make them laugh. I want to take them on hikes and go outside.

I could care less about what reality TV stars are doing. I want to live my life, not theirs.

SO! I am making bigger changes now.

• I’ve already knocked out the not-smoking goal. It’s been 3 weeks and I have had 3 cigarettes. Chef is now quitting as well, so that will be even easier. It’s now less work to not smoke, it’s a seldom passing thought. Which is easy to quash.
• Water is also a habit for me now. I always have a bottle with me, and every time I think about it, I take a few swallows. I’m averaging about 75 ounces a day now, so I’m pretty proud of that.
• Junk food is not allowed in my house. Mostly. I don’t buy it. Chef occasionally eats it, but I don’t even bother taking a bite.

1. Moving – This is a recycled goal from the last few weeks, but now I’ve expanded it. I’m doing the Couch to 5k. I’m shooting for the USMAA Boot Camp at least 2x per week. I’m still continuing with the hazings until voting ends.
2. Better food choices. I’ve been choosing healthier foods, but eating maybe too much of them. Smaller portions. Smarter snacking.

Next week, I’m hoping to be down another two pounds. Or to just have been able to make it through boot camp without swearing or puking.

Mamavation question of the week: Where will your feet take you this year? Any plans for a big hike, race, or just a lot of walking?

I am pretty excited because my maid of honor (and one of my BFFs) is going to be accompanying me….on my very first 5k on May 7th. She’s a big time runner, so this is no big deal for her, but she gets that it’s a pretty big deal for me. I’m EXCITED!

This post is sponsored by Earth Footwear, and I wrote it to be entered in a giveaway hosted by Mamavation and sponsored by Earth Footwear. Also, I need new shoes…..