Well hi there!

October 30, 2011 By 74 Comments

So there have been a lot of people visiting here from the Babble contest for best Twitter Mom (have you voted yet? No sign up and two clicks moves me on up….) and I just wanted to say hi to everyone :)

And thanks for visiting.

Also, I just got done with an awesome weekend talking all about babies and postpartum moms and working on getting certified as a postpartum doula….so expect a post from there.

Also, I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show last night. With the live people dancing. And then apparently in the middle of the night in a moment of sleep deprivation, I blogged. And it was funny. So you should check that out.

And if you missed them this past week, I wrote some letters.

Busy busy busy…off to frost a wedding cake! <3

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Oh, and Chuck says hi.

Filed Under: Stuff that has nothing to do with anything in particular

Lessons from Frank N Furter

October 30, 2011 By 78 Comments

I’m in Seattle for the weekend and went with some friends to see Rocky Horror live this evening.

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For those of you not clued in as I was, here are some lessons I learned while enjoying this performance:

1. There will be audience participation.

2. There will be lots of yelling. By the audience.

3. If you wear Capri pants and a tank top, you will be wearing 90% more clothes than 89% of the audience.

4. Try to learn the Time Warp before you go.

5. 32 with two early bird kids is too old to stay up til 3am. Especially when you’re getting up at 7 the next day.

6. If cursing, aliens, sex or transsexuals from Transylvania offend you, this is not your gig.

7. Olive oil does in a pinch when you forget your makeup remover at home.

8. Rice in your bra, toast in your hair, playing cards stuck to your shoes and toilet paper everywhere is the norm.

And it’s fun.

More info on the crazy and awesome of Rocky Horror Live here :)

Filed Under: Your mother doesn't work here but I am a good substitute sometimes. Tagged With: ,

An Open Letter to Chef's Keurig Machine

October 27, 2011 By 71 Comments

Dear Piece of Garbage Old Keurig Machine:

You were the perfect Christmas gift for Chef. My parents gave you to him and he was overjoyed that Christmas morning. We immediately opened you up and popped some pods in and made coffee for just about everyone except Chuck. And Boy Wonder.

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You have been a faithful caffiene distributor for nearly two years now. Even after replacing the pod holder with a filter so we could use our own beans, you never complained.

Until now.

Recently, you have protested working, yet you take up an inordinate amount of room on the counter, and convincing you to do your job is near to impossible. I’m thinking of making you a tiny picket sign that says “OCCUPY THE [CUPCAKES'] KITCHEN”.

And we are not amused.

I wouldn’t really mind because I don’t use you very much except to make Chef his morning cup of coffee when I’m trying to be a “good wife”.

But holy Lord in a basket with Moses, you are making my life difficult.

Yesterday, you wouldn’t let me push the “BREW” button. This morning, it was refusing to turn on at all until I asked you nicely and cursed at you a little and then changed outlets three times.

Between you and the copy machine at Boy Wonder’s school, I’m ready to go be Amish so there’s no machines anywhere.

So this is your last chance.

If you don’t start behaving on a regular basis, I’m going to put you where the sun don’t shine….in the garbage can. Or even worse, I’ll let Boy Wonder take you apart and try to fix you.

There’s no coming back from that, K.

I’ve cleaned you up, I’ve washed you out, I’ve done nice things for you, and all you do is complain. Consider this fair warning and don’t act up anymore. You’re not on contract, you don’t have a union rep and frankly, your demands are not clear enough.

Do it or die.

Love and kisses and caffeine-withdrawal-jitters,

Mia

Filed Under: Letters that will never get mailed, Nothing to See Here., Uncategorized

Words escape me (wordless Wednesday)

October 26, 2011 By 80 Comments

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Filed Under: Wordless Wednesday Tagged With:

An open letter to Jason Statham

October 25, 2011 By 67 Comments

Dear Jason Statham,

Can I call you Jason? Because I have seen all of your movies multiple times and feel like we should be friends.

I’ll tell you why.

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(photo courtesy 20th Century Fox)

1. I think that your MMA and various other kicking and punching skills would come in handy in a crowd of derby girls and also possibly keeping children in line. Plus, when i break our washing machine our washing machine is on the fritz, we can wash our laundry on your abs.

2. I can advise you on which movies to do and which not to do. Hint: smiling serious movies where you keep all of your clothes on = bad. Driving fast and blowing stuff up and kicking dudes in the face while covering your shirtless self in motor oil = good.

3. You could read me the phone book and I would be completely entertained. I would go see a movie of you reading the phone book while kicking and punching and standing in the rain looking pensive.

4. You could help me clean the kitchen. I really don’t like cleaning the kitchen. I think your acerbic cranky English wit would make even the dishes quite lovely.

5. You could help me work out. I would be totally down with kicking and punching stuff (but not people) with you.

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(Image courtesy Orlando Sentinel)

6. I bet you would be fun at roller derby afterparties. But only if you wore a teeshirt that said “Mia Cupcake’s #1 Fan” and kept it on the whole time. And didn’t kick or punch anyone. And let us hip check you.

7. Three words: Moms’ Book Club. Pretty sure if I brought you, I wouldn’t have to bring snacks.

8. I bake a lot. Which counteracts the abs, but I would ration out cookies to you slowly.

9. My fiancé calls you my “secret boyfriend” and likes to take me to see your movies. I bet he would be ok having you over for dinner. Maybe.

10. Did I mention I’ve seen all your movies? Because I totally have. And when I’m sad, you could reenact scenes from Snatch and make me feel better.

So in conclusion, I think you’re swell and please don’t take out a restraining order against me because I totally don’t know where you live and honestly don’t have time between PTA meetings, play dates and roller derby practice to stalk you anyway.

Xoxox,
Mia

Filed Under: Letters that will never get mailed Tagged With: ,
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