On The Cusp

I am tired.

Mentally, physically and emotionally, I am pretty over this whole “weight loss battle” thing. The numbers have stayed within the same ten pound range for nine months and pardon my French, but I am fucking DONE.


I eat better, it’s still the same. I work out more, same. I eat worse, same. I am at the end of my rapidly fraying rope and I don’t have enough slack left to tie a knot.

And I kind of feel like everyone else has given up on me too. I am supposed to be a good example for this whole weight loss thing and I’m not. I’m the cautionary tale instead.

I’m underwhelming right now. I’m skating still, but not progressing there as much as I would like either. I am an enormous bowl of growly flakes with a side of “get the hell off my lawn” lately.

And I don’t know how to fix it and at this point, don’t know if I want to do this anymore.

I honestly just want to stop trying to lose weight and I’m standing right on the edge of that. Not sure if I’m going to jump.

  • I’m not sure that anything I said will help, just wanted to leave you with a handful of hugs and say that…maybe looking at it from a different perspective: instead of “trying to lose weight,” work on maybe just making healthier lifestyle changes. I know it’s tough – I’m there too- not seeing any changes on the scales or anything, but if you’re eating better, and you’re moving/grooving, that’s the most important part.

    Either way, huge hugs, I’m sorry you’re feeling as though jumping off is the thing to do.
    Remember, no matter what, we love you!

  • I understand how frustrating it can be when the scale seems to never move (or worse go higher!) but it’s important not to let that get you down. I honestly hate my scale and would never use it if not for the 2 week challenge requiring me to do so. I agree with the above comment, instead of focusing on “losing weight” focus on making healthier choices. Hope your week gets better and remember the sisters are here for you!
    Ashley (@IrishRed02) recently posted…Pushing RestartMy Profile

  • Morgan

    I know that it doesn’t help much, but I could definitely see a difference in your size/muscle tone when we saw you at the market on Saturday, so the scale can suck it. Also, I noticed that you are acting as a one-on-one coach in the Black/Red scrimmages. You are no longer the one being thrown into opposing skaters. Your pack awareness and confidence are improving. Take a week off from all of this constant trying, if you need it…but please don’t quit.

  • Just a thought from one Pacific Northwest Mama to another… Vit D? Do you get enough?

    I have been one moody growly bear this past few weeks with the dark weather. Now that the sun has shown up on OR I am getting outside… playing, having fun… taking a long walk away from the pantry, food, etc.

    I always wonder how much attitude and optimism has to do with weight loss. It will come. You rocked it before and it will come again.
    Andrea Kruse recently posted…#Mamavation Monday – Breathing the Dirt and Hitting the PavementMy Profile

  • There is such a thing as overtraining, and there is also such a thing as a plateau. The best piece of advice another derby skater gave me last season when I felt like I was not improving was: take a break. From everything. I did, and it helped. There needs to be rest in there with all your work. And sometimes if you are doing too much the body goes into shock and tries to “preserve” itself.

    Take time to enjoy where you are now, as opposed to where you should be. Maybe give the struggle a day off (maybe two even). Also: treat yourself with as much respect as you treat others. If you knew someone else going through this, you would find ways to encourage her, no? You deserve as much, if not more, encouragement and love from yourself. Because you are awesome.

  • I have been floating in the same area too. Its frustrating for sure. I have to change my routine up, eat some ice cream and get some good sleep.
    It helps me to know that there is a huge difference between healthy living and losing weight. I can be healthy. I have control over that aspect.
    You are looking amazing. Sometimes it can be hard to see it ourselves. Big hugs.
    Megan @mnmspecial recently posted…How to be a PriorityMy Profile

  • Just an idea take it for what its worth maybe take a few days or even a week off… Just focus on something else put the scale away. I bet you’ve hit a plateau and thats all… Maybe take a week off and just live your life and then come back on it. I know you will succeed in this but maybe its just time for a break?
    Meagan recently posted…New Campaign….My Profile

    • This is a great idea! Give your self a “vacay” from thinking about it for a week, then maybe you can come back with a clearer mindset, and maybe write out some small weekly goals, not about losing pounds, but maybe drink more water, no fast food, exercise more. Good luck and hang in there!! Playing the waiting game is always the hardest step!
      Hanan recently posted…Will I become a Mamavation Mom?My Profile

  • Oh the dreaded plateau. It can be so very discouraging – especially when it persists for so long. But, I saw someone else say that they can SEE the differene in you and that’s a big part of this whole thing. It’s not all about weight and numbers, but it’s also about how you feel and look. You can pull through this time – you are STRONG!
    Lindsay recently posted…#Mamavation Monday: Failure and CopingMy Profile

  • Please don’t give up! I know I’m sitting quietly in the corner, not talking to anyone, but I want to let you know that others see you differently that you see yourself. I actually count you as one of my biggest inspirations, not because you’ve lost all the weight and are so perfect, but because you are REAL, and more importantly, you haven’t given up. You are so strong, and I want to be like you when I grow up. Plus you live in Washington, which is awesomeness in itself. 😉
    Stacie B. recently posted…Spring Gardening!My Profile

  • I’ve been in the same position for about 2 years. It is extremely frustrating and I too am reaching the point where I just don’t f’ing care. Just know you are not alone.
    Becky Cooper @fabbecky recently posted…FailureMy Profile

  • I’m sending you a hug. At best, you hug me back, we cry a bit and then regroup. At worst, you punch me in the face, tell me to get off your lawn and hopefully get out some stress while I drive to the ER to have my nose re-set.

    Either way, I’m sending the hug.

  • Oye – I think we all know what you are going through. And we all send hugs (a million)!! It can be so frustrating to be doing everything right and not see any losses. I think taking some time to regroup and refocus is perfect advice. Hide the scale and measuring tape to places you can’t immediately access them, continue to make good choices with your food and keep moving! You are going to break through the plateau, I know it.

  • I just started reading your blog (found you on the B’ham Mom’s Support on FB), so I don’t know your history with weight loss, so forgive me if you’ve already considered anything I say. Have you had your thyroid checked? I went through the same kind of thing where I would eat 1200 calories a day and work out 3-4 times a week and NOTHING. I felt defective, and it was incredibly discouraging. I finally found a doctor who listened and turns out I have insulin resistance, hypothyroidism and high testosterone as well as low vit d. I know it’s not the case for everyone, but I always think having a full blood workup is a good idea just in case. In any case, I totally feel your frustration.