Chuckita Norris and Work

I look at her sometimes and it’s hard to remember what it was like to carry her inside of me. What it was like to be the only one to know this awesome secret I would soon unleash on the world.

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And sometimes I wonder what she will be like as an adult. Will she be tall? Still have dark hair? Will she still have that big silly smile and say certain words with a Jersey accent?

Will she still be my baby?

I miss the days when she was wee and didn’t talk much. When she would look at me with those big dark liquid eyes with those long spiky dark lashes and smile so big, her eyes would disappear.

She didn’t move much for a while there and was a late walker, and that was awesome.

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Now, unless she is asleep, she is moving all of the time. Singing silly songs to her cereal in the morning. Dressing herself. Having her own (very loud) opinion.

I will miss this. I have to go back to work very soon, due to one very large debt that must get paid off so we can move out of Chef’s parents house.

I spent a good hour yesterday crying so hard I threw up, thinking about how much of this I will miss, working for someone else.

I have not worked since Chuck was born. I enjoyed being a stay at home mom and I enjoyed watching both of my babies grow uninterrupted.

Now, I worry about both of them and what a transition like this will do. I worry about what it will do to me.

I have to postpone my plans and my dreams to pay off a large debt that I should never have had to incur in the first place, and I am angry. I am tired. I am frustrated. And I have applied for job after job after job and I hear nothing back.

I wonder if my emails even make it past the spam filters.

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So for now, I will enjoy my crazy children and my waning days as a stay at home mom and I will be thankful for the time I got to spend with them, and will look forward to other things in our lives instead of dwelling on what shouldn’t have to be.

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Ps: I have had a lot of people ask me why I blog so much about Chuck and hardly ever about Boy Wonder. He is 12 now, and I subscribe to the theory that at that age, he gets to tell his own story. It is no longer my story to tell unless I ask permission….and these days, he rarely grants it ;)

I would blog about him all the time if he’d let me.

Freaky Friday

It’s been a long long long long day.

And it’s only 2.

And it’s about to get longer.

I have been all over town today searching for fake blood for a zombie event for tomorrow. Six stores. Yes, I could have called them on the phone. I am still unsure why I didn’t go that route. I am still sadly bloodless….since Chuck decided to spread the remainder of my stash all over the bathroom and herself, and then top it off with the last of my white makeup.

So basically it looks like she’s a tiny serial killer, which is totally not the case, nor would I allow that sort of behavior in my house.

Sigh.

Then I run out of gas.

Then I realize I left my cell phone AND my wallet on the counter at home. Whee.

Then I had a run in with the Pretty Mom Squad.

So all in all, it’s been a hell of a day. But we get to march in a parade tonight, so that should be fun.

Oh, and someone remind me to tell y’all the story about this spider.

Pretty sure this was the spider. Only bigger. And hairier. So not this spider at all. - From Wikipedia

Momma Mia

I am a mom.

And today is Mothers’ Day.

I did a whole lot of nothing today, and even got to sleep in for an hour. I made a delicious breakfast for my kids and Chef, I hung out and read a book that wasn’t on child development or midwifery. I painted my nails and Chuck’s nails. Nonnie (Chef’s grandma) gave me some money and told me to spend it on something shiny or fun and not on the kids.

I might even give myself a pedicure before bed.

All in all, I got to spend Mothers’ Day with the reasons I am a mother, and I got to hang out with some of my favorite moms.

I hope you celebrated your momma or were feted by your momma-making offspring in some shiny/glittery/fancy way today, because all moms deserve at least a big fat hug and a “thanks for raising/birthing/rescuing me.”

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Or in Chuck’s case, “thanks for letting me use your stupidly large stash of makeup to paint my face like a superhero princess”.

Well, I’ll be.

Somehow, I have two children.

This is not a new development. Chuck is 2 1/2, Boy Wonder is 12. I have had nearly 3 years to get used to this.

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But every morning I wake up and handle two very different sets of needs and it’s flabbergasting to me that the girl who used to forget to eat before birthing children now makes sure both of her kiddos eat a balanced meal at least twice a day.

I answer the “Why?” question with two varied sets of answers…less dumbed-down for the 12 year old and endlessly for the 2 year old. I allow both of them to dress themselves, but Chuck needs a little more guidance or she would wear a diaper and a pig shirt and one boot out of the house.

Bubbles and bubble wrap fully occupy both of them, one being more methodical than the other. They play well together until Chuck gets a little rambunctious, then Boy Wonder is pretty much done.

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Two different sets of books to be read. Two different bedtimes. Two very different personalities.

Two very different beings that once grew in my body. Two people who I pushed into this world, and will (gently) push out into the bigger world to function fully on their own once they are ready, like baby birds from my nest.

One day, Chef and I will be alone in our “nest”, and I (at least) will miss the kids hollering down the hall looking for socks (MO-OOOOOOMMMM!!!) and the homework and the crazy that ensues. So for now, I enjoy the chaos and the arguing and the worrying about the hair and the choice of bath color and the war over “yes, you have to take a shower. You are a preteen boy and you smell like one”, only without saying that because I don’t want to hurt feelings.

I’m excited to see who my little people grow into, but for now, I’m ok with the hours spent matching socks and folding laundry, only to find it wedged behind a pile of jackets on the floor of a closet.

The Mom Squad

This Mother’s Day, I’m working with Clever Girls in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “trade, not aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.

Moms are hard to make friends with sometimes, especially if you’re new to the area. The town I live in is no exception, being one of the biggest little towns I’ve ever seen.

I’ve been incredibly lucky to find a group of mommas who not only accept me for me, but have taught me so much about how to be a strong mother and how to be an awesome friend. They have brought me wine when I’ve had a rough day, organized meals for each other, cared for each other during tough times, thrown parties to celebrate the most random things, and been there no matter what the hour or day or what we are doing. (I’ve been known to check my phone at halftime of a bout during a “Mom Crisis” to make sure everything is ok.)

And each of these ladies is someone I can’t imagine living without.

So let me introduce you to my Mom Squad:

This is my girl Sara (aka “Smooshy Face”, as Chuck calls her). She’s got two kiddos spaced like Boy Wonder and Chuck (hers are 3 and 13, both boys) and our kids all get along pretty well. She’s kinda crunchy and funny as hell. She’s got a fantastic smile that makes even the crankiest person turn that frown upside down. She’s crafty and driven, and is an amazing businesslady. (She’s the one who is the driving force behind this doula co-op we’ve been building.) She loves chickens (has 13 of them now) and we can talk on the phone for 45 minutes and still have leftover topics to hit when we see each other in person. She’s my sounding board and sometimes my “OMG, stoppit” voice. She’s awesome.

This is Autumn. Having had a transfer to a hospital with her first baby (who is a month younger than Chuck), this lady did research and reading and asking and everything to educate herself about birth two. She chose a homebirth and an incredible birth team and had the birth she planned for last week and I am so incredibly proud of her. She is the one who seems to do so much, and follows through with pins from Pinterest. Everyone loves her because she is so fabulous and a teeny tiny bit crunchy and hilarious and self-deprecating (without bordering on sad) and she is a joy to be around. I hope I get to walk (or run?) around the local parks with her and her two lovely ladies soon.

This is Tanya. The Warrior Momma. She doesn’t take any slack from ANYONE. She’s funny and sometimes loud Southern and has a bit of a drawl that sneaks into conversation and takes you by surprise. She’s a big personality in a little body, and will tell you exactly how she feels without being abrasive or rude. Her kiddo is a pretty good doppelganger for her momma, only in miniature size. (When she and Chuck get together, it’s pretty hilarious) She will also tell you when you’re being dumb, with no qualms about it. She loves wine and spending time with the girls, yet is the mom who runs up on the playtoy with the kids and hangs from the monkey bars. She’s a riot to hang out with and sends me job descriptions, knowing exactly what I’m looking for. Her laugh always makes me laugh and I don’t recall a single time we’ve hung out that I didn’t have fun.

This is Hayley. She knows exactly when to show up at your house and bring wine. She is the most giving person I’ve ever seen and is the first to jump on lending a hand when someone is in need. Her kids crack me up (H, her oldest is 3 and gave herself a pretty wicked haircut and R is almost 2 and is one of the most daring kids I’ve seen…next to Tanya’s Evil Kneivel child). She has a wicked dry sense of humor and the mom you can rely on to have wipes and diapers when you space out and forget yours. She’s a fabulous person and a wonderful friend and I never get tired of hanging out with her.

So this Mother’s Day, I salute all of these mommas, and the countless others that have offered advice and support to each other in this community. I don’t know what I would do without your texts and calls and weird jokes and Pinterest pins and Facebook posts.

My life would certainly be less full and much less boring. Thank you.

<3

Thank you to Macy’s Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart” promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.