In no particular order, here are some random quotes from my day:
- I would totally have made a good French artistocrat. I’m good at telling people what to do, I’m great at wearing fancy dresses, and I like wigs. But the smelling bad thing, that would have ruined my life.
- I have developed an aversion to people talking directly to me if I don’t know them very well. Makes ordering coffee at Starbucks very VERY awkward.
- My ego is so bananas right now, it’s not even funny. One day I’m super strong! and stand up for myself! and then the next day, I’m a sobbing wad of kleenex in a ball in the corner and can’t look anybody in the eye because I feel like dirt on the bottom of their shoes. BAH! I would like to be a Tibetan monk now. Orange is flattering on me. I could totally do it.
- If I hadn’t just gone through the most ridiculously complicated and emotionally-retarding breakup….I had been smoke-free for four months before that. I started smoking again so I wouldn’t slap people in their dumb mouths.
- I am plum out of chocolate. I do have like four loaves of bread. Can I substitute?
- I think my bitch boots are still packed in one of those boxes. {points at towers of moving boxes everywhere} Can I wear house slippers instead? Because that would go nicely with my spiked leather “f*ck you” belt and big girl panties.
- Watching the tweakers walk past my coffee shop makes me very very sad. What a waste. So many Doritos.
- “I’ll come get you in an hour” in a movie translates directly to “I’m about to get shot/killed/arrested/hit by a car.”
- I am going to be so rad today, it will cause some people to avert their eyes for fear of being blinded by the sunshine of my awesome.
