It’s been hard lately to find blog fodder.
I go to work, I do my job, I come home, I make dinner, I chat with the kids, we all go to bed.
In the weekend we go to church, we cook, we read, we watch movies, we all go to bed. Sometimes we run through the sprinkler. Or mow the lawn.
Makes for very boring blog posts.
But in all truth, I’ve been hiding. I’ve had a lot of curve balls thrown at me lately, and I’m taking on as much as I can handle and no more.
I pared down to the bare minimum after having pneumonia, just to the things I could handle. When that got to be too much, I shed a few more things until I could breathe again, both literally and figuratively.
I retired from roller derby. Not that I was skating in the past year, but it was time for me to let go of that part of my life. For now or forever, I’m not sure. It was just too much.
I said goodbye to some relationships. I said goodbye to belongings I just didn’t need. I let go of things I had been dragging around for years.
I feel lighter, now that I’ve let go.
But for a while, I felt very heavy indeed. I cried a lot. I hid in my house and went to bed early, claiming I had to get up early for work. I skipped out on parties and invitations until people stopped inviting me. I mourned a lot of things.
I also broke a lot of things in the past few years, but there’s only one I truly regret. And it’s something I can never fix. I don’t know how to forgive myself for it, but I have to so I can move forward.
I have to move forward.
I also have to figure out what to do with this blog. I’ve tried to make it a food blog. I tried making it a weight loss blog. At one point, it was a dumping ground for my bad attitude.
I guess for now, we’ll just stick it in the “this is my life” category and see where it goes. Maybe I’ll find a direction someday, but for more, you get a little skeletons in my closet, a little weight loss and a little bit of Chuck and Boy Wonder.
And more Mia.