I stand alone quite a bit, as we have discussed before.
Single mom-ming it means you often are the rock in the stream and as the current of life flows around you, you stand fast against it to keep from being carried away.
Sometimes, it’s exhausting.
I have goals… BIG ONES. And I am absolutely 100% driven to reach them. Most days.
There are days though, when I have to give myself a pep talk to get out of bed. I have to convince myself that putting on real clothes instead of remaining in my pajamas is a good thing.
I have no cleaning lady. No roommates. No husband/boyfriend/partner to wake in the morning when my warm bed is more like quicksand than a place to rest, and I cannot ask him “can you take Wolfgang to school for his 6:30am class?” No family living close (or with me) to lend a hand when I literally cannot anymore.
My tribe is fantastic, but they have their own families and their own journey and their own business to handle. I can only ask for so much before I feel like I’ve pushed my limit.
I hold my head high and I suck it up and I deal. I am a mountain, standing strong for my sake and for my children.
I must be my own cheerleader when I cannot find someone else to wave pompoms for me.
Sometimes other moms totally feel me and other times they really don’t.
I see a lot of moms posting on social media saying “I am single parenting today!” and the tired voice inside me wants to yell “OMG seriously?” because they probably don’t know the constant single parent stress like trying to figure out if you should pay the light bill or the water bill first because one might not get paid on time or staying awake late at night going over where you may have gone wrong with disciplining your kid or wondering if this is ever going to get easier… because there is a defined and dated punctuation mark at the end of your sentence as a “single parent”.
I don’t. I comment and say “Oh man, do I ever feel you! Good luck and let me know if you need anything!”
Because this isn’t a contest as to who is parenting the best. It isn’t for me to compare my journey to anyone else’s.
I have to be a superhero, a mountain, an unmoving rock in the stream for myself and for my kids. But I’m also a human being.
And sometimes, I have to dig deep to find the energy to put on my cape and save the day.
There’s nothing wrong with that.