Dear Mr Haggerty,

Can I call you Ben? I feel like I know you a little, since I saw you open for Mob Law back in the day at Chop Suey, and you were still Professor Macklemore and you wore a Bush mask and did a lot of really intelligent songs that I’m pretty sure were a lot deeper than I originally thought.

Anyway.

See, I have this kid. I have two, but let’s just talk about my eldest. He’s 13. We call him Boy Wonder here on the internet. He’s a great kid, super intelligent, hardworking and funny.

He’s the tall one.

So. He enjoys your music. A lot. He and his (3 year old) sister sing the chorus to Can’t Hold Us while we drive down the freeway and I can see that song being one that, when he hears it in twenty years, reminds him of this time and place and makes him smile.

He and I talk about your lyrics and where you come from. He says he’s proud of you for standing up for what you believe in and working hard to be who you are today.

The reason I’m writing is because he’s an ambitious kid. He is working on a series of interviews for his middle school newspaper, and his big idea is to interview celebrities and have them give advice to teenagers on how to survive middle and high school, and how to be amazing at whatever they do.

I know it’s a long shot, but you would seriously up my cool mom points for life if he could interview you. You’re at the top of his list, right next to Tom Douglas and Bill Gates.

Kid’s got big dreams, and I want to do everything I can to help him reach them.

Xoxox,
Mia

Ps: if you are not  Macklemore and you want to help Boy Wonder, please feel free to tweet the link at @macklemore, or post wherever you like

Pps: if you are Macklemore or his people, you can reach me at mia DOT cupcake AT yahoo, or tweet @miacupcake.

Hi. It’s me. I don’t know if any of your remember me, it’s been so long. I started a new job, and for a while there, it was all-encompassing. I didn’t have the energy when I got home to write anything.

Plus, I have a really strict rule that nothing about my job EVER goes on the internet, so most of my life for the last two months has been totally unbloggable.

I’ve been struggling over the past few months on what to put on the blog. I even had a few moments where I wondered if I should keep writing here at all.

But I’m not here to make money or give stuff away. (Though I absolutely love to do that!) I’m not here to write all about one specific subject,  I’m not here to be #1 about anything.

My blog is my outlet. I want to talk about food and my kids and how I struggle with roller derby because I don’t feel like I belong. I want to talk about what’s going on in the world.

I might blog once a week, or five times.  I probably won’t participate in things like “Magic Monday” or “Thrift Shop Thursday” (though I do love thrift shopping), but mostly because I can’t remember what day it is.

So I’ll get back to being me and not trying to shove myself I’m a box. I’ll talk about the amazing roast we had last night for dinner, and the patio I want to put in at my house. I’ll probably talk about my new obsession with working out, but never my job.

I won’t make any promises about content, but I’ll tell you this, I won’t fake it either.

It will be me, fitting in my own blogger category.

I don’t understand when we all lost our spines, as humans.

When collectively, we decided that whispering behind people’s backs was better than confronting them. When telling someone there is something hanging out of their pants got trumped by giggling about it with other people as they walk by.

When did we lose decorum? When did it become more acceptable to have truckermouth than to say please and thank you? When did we start revering people like Snooki and Kim Kardashian and reviling people with manners and class?

The newest thing I don’t understand (but apparently sometimes do myself) is “VagueBooking”. Putting up something underhanded and passive aggressive on social media about a particular person. You say something twisted and wicked about someone in broad daylight and since you didn’t say their name, you can deny deny deny.

Example: one of my friends (THIS DIDN’T ACTUALLY HAPPEN) does something that makes me feel small, and insults me in front of my (imaginary) boyfriend. So I decide to make her “pay” by posting the following on Facebook:

I’m rubber and you’re glue. At least I *HAVE* a boyfriend.

I didn’t say her name. But she and pretty much anybody who was there would know what I was talking about. Everyone else who WASN’T there now wants to know what I’m talking about.

Something that was small and could have ended with me taking her aside and saying “hey, what you said really hurt my feelings. Did you mean that?” has now escalated into me, virtually standing up in front of however many Facebook friends I have and shouting “YOU ALL HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL DRAMA AND NOW I HAVE ROPED YOU INTO SOMETHING THAT STILL HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.”

I’ve been guilty of this in the past. Of saying things behind people’s backs. I was a small person and I wanted everyone to feel JUST as small as I was. So I spread rumors and said horrible things about people and told secrets and did things that I am ashamed of.

And that? Is seriously uncool.

Please, for me, today when you go out into the world, be kind. Say nice things to each other. Stop yourself from spreading a rumor. Treat that salesperson like you would want to be treated. Spread the love.

And for the love of all things glittery, STOP VAGUEBOOKING. I always think it’s about me.

Words of Wisdom for today: You know when you say something in front of someone and you’re trying to make them look like an asshole? 98% of the time, YOU look like the asshole.

My name is Mia, and I am an addict.

I am addicted to fast food and Coke and I don’t know how to kick it.

I eat super healthy. I am exercising every day. And then, I have a Jack in the Box craving. Curly fries. Anything and everything deep fried and breaded and rolling in grease. *shudder*

So I indulge. And then just once more. Next thing I know, I have eaten fast food every day for two weeks and I have gained five pounds.

I normally would just allow myself to slide slowly back into that life. To the grease-soaked existence I’ve known since childhood. To that half-alive feeling you get when your body is fueled on nothing but garbage.

But I know better now. I’ve felt what my body can do when it’s clean. I know how to listen to my body. And when my body is bogged down by saturated fats and whatever else is in those fries and the burgers (shudder again), I can’t hear what it’s trying to tell me. I drown it in icky foods and it can’t call for help anymore.

And I don’t know how I’m going to get over this – or if it’s something I even CAN get over. I know this food makes me sick. And I still cannot stop eating it.

So I have to make a conscious effort. Fast food is bad for me. I can’t eat it. It will make me sick. I just have to keep repeating that. Until it’s not an effort anymore.

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. We give ourselves negative self talk. We dress in baggy clothes to hide our bodies instead of working on our self image and our bodies. We allow ourselves to sabotage progress because we don’t feel good about our Self.

Self with a capital S. It’s that little being inside of you that you hide from everyone. The one you think will be hurt if you knock down your walls and drop the act.

The one you keep off the Internet, or the trolls will eat it alive.

Your Self is the true you. Not the disappointed you. Or the angry you. Or the asshole that beats you down.

It’s the tiny voice that says “today is going to be great!” and you know it’s true. The one that says “uh, maybe eating an entire bag of Trader Joe’s potato chips is not the best choice”, and you know it’s not trying to be snotty, just trying to save you from yourself.

Your Self is what you need to nurture and care for. You need to love that more than you love the masks you wear and the roles you play. Stop building walls around yourself so nobody can see your Self.

You will get a little dirty and a little bruised when you show your Self. When you let people behind the curtain to see The Wizard. And that’s ok. Hurting is fine. Wallowing and mourning for extended periods of time are not.

Be you. Because you’re just a Xerox of somebody else if you aren’t true to you.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for me – I’ve made some seriously crappy health choices and they have turned into rabid dogs, biting me on the ass. I am unamused.

I will make it through this dark spot, like so many others in life, by keeping my head up and remembering who I am and what I want from life. I will love my kiddos, hug my friends and watch a bit of bad TV.

And I will be ok.

Happy birthday to me!

Birthday: Yesterday was my birthday.

Usually I hate my birthday. And I dread it, as it is always disappointing. I was especially dreading it this year, as it’s the first year in a long time that I have not had a partner.

This year, though, was amazing.

I stepped on the scale that morning, and that number over there showed up. The lowest number I’ve seen on the scale (that was from ME standing on the scale and wasn’t a malfunction) since I was 6 months pregnant with Chuck. In 2009.

Best.birthday.ever.

Then I had coffee with a dear friend. Visited quickly with another, then had lunch with more friends. Headed out for a hot stone massage (thanks to an awesome raffle win), and then went home and watched Moneyball.

Dinner with the family, scrimmage and then Mardi Gras/birthday celebrations & shenanigans with my derby team . I was a very VERY happy cupcake when I got home.

Point of reference scale shot from December

I could not have planned a better birthday.

It’s been an enlightening experience, this birthday. Letting go of my fear that things are going to go south and actually letting good things happen. Working hard to fit into smaller jeans, and having them actually fit. Having friends celebrate me.

It’s a turning point for me. One where I realize that I’m ok on my own (with the kids, of course, but without a partner). One where I can see who I am and who I was and how I don’t want to go back to that sad lady from six months ago.

I can see all of the work I’ve been doing (mentally, emotionally & physically) paying off finally.

It’s the best birthday present ever.

Bets: The “Shed Those Cupcakes” DietBet is going swimmingly, with $2100 in the pot and 84 people playing along! There is still time to join, if you’d like!

So far, we have lost 86.7 pounds (from those that have weighed in already – some are choosing not to). That’s a little over a pound a person in THREE DAYS! People are encouraging one another, talking about what they’re doing to shake that extra weight, and it’s a pretty fun deal.

I’m hoping to run another one in March, as I really like the format, and I really like the community that’s sprung from it.

Bananas: Seeing as how I’m doing a cleanse and Boy Wonder is now 13, growing an inch every day and eating me out of house and home, we go through 2 BIG bunches of bananas every week. Also, despite the fact I do not drink milk, we blow through a gallon every 4 days.

Do you have something that your family runs through a lot of?

I’ve been talking about motivation for weight loss with some friends lately. I want to lose weight so I can fit into a bunch of “almost there” clothes. And then make those too big. I’m getting closer and closer into fitting into a pair of pretty expensive jeans I bought a few years ago….but was never able to wear.

I’ve heard a lot of motivating factors:

• keep up with my kids
• fit into a specific piece of clothing (dress, bikini, etc)
• train for a 5k
• be a better roller derby skater
• keep up with my friends
• attract opposite sex
• feel better when naked

Here’s a new one though: win some money.

There’s a new website called DietBet. They encourage you to add that extra “something” to your weight loss journey. In our particular bet, you pay in $25, and as long as you lose 4% of your starting weight, you win.

It’s simple. Lose weight, win money.

You in? Lose weight, win money, kick ass. Click here to join us.

The pot is growing. Get a piece.

DISCLAIMER: (because the FTC asks that I be more transparent) I get a piece of the pot for running/promoting the game. It doesn’t affect your winnings though!

Yesterday was a total shambles. I made it all the way through the day, worked out in the morning, had a job interview, and then something went terribly wrong and I ended up eating my feelings. A lot of feelings.

Funny thing is? I cannot figure out what the trigger was.

I went through my whole day, itemized what happened, where I went, who I saw, what was said…..it was like analyzing a telephone call from a boy when we were in middle school to figure out if when he said “bye”, he really meant “I want to ask you out.”

Not a clue.

See, it’s not the every day habits and patterns that I have problems with, in weight loss. It’s when the patterns and the habits fail me and I have to figure out on the fly what to do.

It’s failing to plan (therefore planning to fail) and ending up eating a large size of french fries for lunch.

It’s getting sick and just wanting mashed potatoes.

It’s injuring myself and trying to soothe it with a soda.

It’s ridiculous, really. I need to be more rock solid in my habits so when things come up, I don’t completely derail the Awesome Train and lie in my own misery.

I just need to figure out how to do that.

I’ve started this post a dozen times. I’m having a hard time writing a post that doesn’t sound hideously whiny.

I am a self-sabotager. I mess myself up when I start seeing success, so I have a reason, rather than failing while trying. I have problems remembering that if I’m trying my best, it’s not a failure.

My other problem is: I am terrified. There is a huge list of things I could write that terrify me. I’m a badass most of the time, but when it comes to making big personal change, I’d rather stay in bed and suck my proverbial thumb.

I’m allowing my fear to sabotage and paralyze me from becoming a better person. I’m allowing it to completely bind me to the old Mia and being tied down makes any kind of growth impossible. I have to let go of the fear-weights holding me down.

I’m tired of starting over. So I need to stop stopping.

(I’m on day 13 of a 72 day challenge. So far, I’m doing decent. But this week I have to kick it into high gear!)