I have finally come to a place where I like myself. Where I’m comfortable with that crazy face in the mirror when I look in it. Where I don’t want to cry knowing that face is me.

And it’s been a long hard road.

I’ve been bullied and picked on and broke down so many times since I was a kid, I actually started believing it. I thought I wasn’t thin enough or good enough or smart enough or pretty enough and I spent a lot of time trying to be other people so I didn’t have to be me.

But me is so awesome.

And that was horrible English. Ugh.

But seriously, I’m rad. And being me instead of trying to compare myself to other people is so great. It’s freeing to not have to try and be someone else.

I think a lot of it has to do with Mamavation. And the rest has to do with roller derby.

Because without both of those incredible groups of women, I never would have seen how much easier it is to be yourself. Or had so many people like me for who I am, rather than who I’m trying to be.

And now I feel like I’m writing an infomercial.

So in conclusion, be yourself. Because there’s no one else quite like you, and trying to copy someone else is so exhausting.

Also, here’s a gratuitous photo of me in my roller derby gear. Maybe in a few weeks, I’ll be able to post one of me in my tiny shorts.

PS: I started Couch to 5k today. And it felt really good and I’m going to do it again on Wednesday. And then Friday. And then Sunday.

I actually feel like I could do this and I’m not worried about my knees (my poor left foot is another story) and this does not feel horrible and soul sucking like the last time.

So! More running.

And a picture of me and Chuck. Happy Monday, everybody <3

Thanks to Kim Lincoln for the solo photo and charity:images (no website) for the one of me and Chuck!

I know that’s not a word. And I can’t remember what movie it’s from. But it makes even me, the spelling/grammar police, giggle madly.

So I am gluten sensitive. My doctor, being awesome and a doctor, did not give me any information on how i am supposed to deal with this.

So I have been slowly trying to cut gluten out. Being addicted to Triscuits (seriously, I could eat a whole box in two days by myself…..) and bread in general, this is a difficult switch for me.

Mostly because it’s like a drug for me.

I’m afraid I’ll go through DTs or some sort of crazy headache that renders me completely useless (like when I cut out most sugar and all soda) or some other horrifying side effect I haven’t thought of yet.

This is what occasionally keeps me from doing things….my fear of what happens.

So here’s how I deal with that gut reaction (and how I will handle this): tell my fear to suck it. I’m going to inform my whole family I will not be eating gluten. I will permit them to remove any glutenous items from my hands, my plate or even my mouth.

I will be holding myself accountable for my food choices. Because at the end of the day, I face myself and make my own bed and lie in it.

So on the brighter side, I no longer fear working out. In fact, I get very very excited about going to practice, whereas I used to dread it.

Now I love the nasty sweat stains and the adrenaline rush and the sound my knee pads make when they hit the floor. I love coming home and being totally destroyed for at least a half hour.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

Except maybe bout day

PS: still haven’t started c2 5k, and I’m supposed to be running one in may. *facepalm*

PPS: I will not be posting a scale photo today. I am embarrassed. Instead, I give you a photo of my bangs this morning….which NONE of my friends said anything about. They are either awesome friends or snickering behind my back.

Now I DO NOT recommend this for anyone. At all. Ever. But it’s the onlybright side to having every single member of your household vomiting (including me) one at a time, sometimes overlapping, 24/7, for a solid week. (we all got the flu shot. We all got the flu too.)

I was three pounds lighter than even that photo when I finally emerged from the deep dark clutches of this flu on Friday. It came on suddenly (I was in the middle of preparing for a public event and had about 8 seconds warning…) and lasted almost three full days for me.

It’s not a healthy way to lose weight. I don’t plan on using it as a regular weight loss tool. In fact, if I never see the flu again in my lifetime, I will be a happy girl.

But these are numbers I haven’t seen in three years. A weight I was looking forward to hitting by May 5. Numbers I was hoping for, but knew would take a while.

(From 233.8 pounds to 227.8 in 6 days using the stomach flu is not healthy. Please do not try this at home.)

Now I just need to keep it off (the healthy way) and keep going.

I have three derby practices this week, and think I’m finally going to start the couch 2 5k program with Chef…..as soon as he is done with the flu

I think at LAST my face is starting to look less chubby….this is me after a team photo shoot yesterday. Woot!

Have you and your family had the flu yet this season?