The Fat Man

I don’t normally write letters to Santa. Just so you know.

Dear Santa:

How are you and the elves? I hope everything is well with you and Mrs. Claus – y’all have a lot on your plate, covering for all of the parents who are out of work and trying to make everyone’s wishes come true. I am doing my part down here in Bellingham, but the need is pretty great.

So let me talk about what I want, since I’m a recovering selfish-a-holic.

I know I don’t fall on your gift list anymore (after the last year, I would probably be Sharpie-ed onto the naughty list) but I thought I’d write you just in case your elves are listening.

Last year, I asked for things to make me beautiful. I thought that maybe if I felt like I was pretty, that I would be pretty inside too and more satisfied with myself. I thought maybe if I was pretty on the outside, that people would ignore the fact that I was ugly on the inside and would be my friend.

Totally didn’t work. I should have asked for self help books.

This year I’m a little different. This year I worked on the inside. I went through a pretty traumatic breakup (which I am actually glad for – was exactly the slap in the face I needed to realize I was a selfish dicknozzle) and I had to do a lot of reflection.

So this year, I would like something a little different. In no particular order, here is my WILDEST DREAMS Christmas List:

  1. A set of exercise bands. I’ve been using these ridiculous rubberband-like things with my p90x training, and I’m kind of tired of them snapping back at me. The handles on those have pads and are adjustable! Plus, they would be easier to store than a big set of weights, and I wouldn’t have to worry as much about Chuck.
  2. A chin up bar. Again with the p90x, but I don’t think I’m getting the same type of workout. Not as deep, not as hardcore. I’m tired of being jealous of that tiny German Potato Soup lady on the Chest & Back disc….
  3. A FitBit. I have been trying to save enough money to buy one, and then the radiator went out. And then I had to move. And then and then and then. (I would love an Aria scale too. If you’re feeling generous.)
  4. Anything Le Creuset. Don’t care what color. Would die for a French oven. Maybe not DIE, but I’d trade all my yarn for it. It’s a lot of yarn. Mrs. Claus could knit socks for all of your elves.
  5. New tennis shoes. I don’t think “tennis shoes” is the right term, but “running shoes” isn’t either. THESE SHOES. I’ve been doing most of my workouts barefoot, and the rest in raggedy running shoes. More support, more traction and more stylish :)
  6. Anything from lululemon. Mostly this or this.

See? Just exercise-y stuff. (And a pot.) I want to stay on this track. I want to be healthy and I want to be strong. I’ve been making do with what I have, but I would love to take it to the next level.

But I’ll be OK with coal :)

xoxox,

Mia

 

PS – none of those are affiliate links or anything. I make no money nor was I given any of these products for free.

Also, if you want to buy me a present, TurboFire is on crazy awesome sale right now…. (and no, that’s not my store. It’s my friend’s.)

Eight Wheels, Two Wheels and Me

So for those of you who have been following me for some time, you’ll remember that back in the beginning of the Mamavation campaign in March, I said one of my goals was to try out and make a team on my local roller derby league.

And just last night, I got word that I did. I am now a VERY VERY proud member of team F.L.A.S.H….and can’t WAIT to wear the cape!

So when I was contacted to do a review on Heelys, I thought “HELL YES!” This will be perfect, since I regularly strap eight wheels to my feet and run into people on purpose! I can do this!

And they arrived, and they were fantastic.

I got these, because I like pink and they were awesome.

They stayed in the box until this morning.

Despite the fact that one of my league-mates (her derby name: Paya Tension) wore them for Halloween (complete with a figure skating costume that was hysterical), they terrified me.

I would walk past the box and shudder. Two wheels on your feet just isn’t NORMAL.

But this morning, I popped out the panel on the bottom (easy peasy, for serious) and popped the wheels in and VOILA.

Then they sat on the counter all day.

I am an enormous chicken.

So my son filmed me trying them out in our kitchen. He missed the first part where I tried them on the carpet (and PS, wheels don’t really roll on carpet) and I ate it into our bathroom door and may or may not have bruised myself.

I’ll just blame it on roller derby. Try not to laugh too hard at this video. (the reason it’s shaking is because Boy Wonder was laughing hysterically at me.)

(CLICKY THE LINK TO WATCH ME BE EMBARASSING)

Mama Tries Heelys

So I will be consulting with Miss Tension to get more lessons, as they are super fun…but no less terrifying for me as before. I will be reading Heelys’ “Safety Playbook” a little more closely before running these bad boys through the halls at Boy Wonder’s school on the way to PTA meetings (which I’m pretty sure will land me in detention) or rocking them at a derby afterparty.

Even derby girls need to practice on wheels, yo.

If you are not a chicken like me, (or you want to get some for your kiddos), Heelys is throwing a Black Friday special!! Between Nov 25-Nov 28, Buy any pair of Heelys, get the second pair for $25. Or buy a Nano, and get a pair of shoes for $25, and get free ground shipping on all orders!

DISCLOSURE: The FTA or ATF or FDA or FBI wants me to tell you I was not monetarily compensated for this review, but I was provided with a free pair of Heelys to terrify me try out.

Color the World with Color

So Chuck is going to be TWO on Sunday.

For those of you that have been following me on twitter since my bed rest with her (that was my primary form of contact with the outside world), you know how crazy this is.

She was born like last month and now she’s running EVERYWHERE and climbing and looking this cute all day, which is super tiring.

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So we are planning a shindig for her soon.

And I, of course, am crafting and creating my fingers off. Expect some epic pictures next week.

So her theme is “rainbow”, because that’s what she asked for. And I can do color.

(PS, don’t google “rainbow party” unless you’re prepared to learn more about lipstick colors and creepy meanings behind them. It’s weird.)

So! For part of the party favors, we made crayons.

And by “making crayons” I don’t really mean “making crayons from scratch”, because I am not that awesome yet, and don’t have that much time.

Here is what I did:

Take 1 package of crayons.

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Grab a cutting board and a SHARP knife. (I can’t emphasize sharp enough. Sharp.)

Get a box of crayons. (found a box of 64 crayons for $1 at Michael’s, plus had a 20% off purchase coupon, so eighty cents for this frugal momma.)

Grab a mini muffin tin or a regular muffin tin or whatever you have and preheat your oven to 200 degrees.

Peel the crayons. (easiest if you slice down the label and just crack it open. Just please don’t cut yourself. Please.)

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Chop the crayons into bits.

Distribute the pieces evenly through the tins. I cut our crayons into chunks, but they splintered a bit too, so I added the splinters to the tins too :)

I made sure that there weren’t too many dark pieces or light pieces in each little section.

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Tap the tins on the counter and then stick them in the oven for about 10-15 minutes.

Check them starting at 10 minutes. They might look a little odd on the bottom, but trust me.

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When they are all liquid and the tops are even, remove CAREFULLY from the oven and place on a rack to cool.

Try not to poke them before they cool completely, as I will let you know it’s like napalm and really unpleasant to burn yourself with crayon.

And TADA! You have super cute multi-colored crayons that make super cute party favors.

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We are pairing ours with some cute coloring pages that friends are drawing for Chuck and some multi-colored play dough!

So excited to party for Chuck soon!

It's all Gruntstyle's Fault.

So I had my first night of roller derby boot camp last night.

And I was FREAKING TERRIFIED.

I used to be a skater, for about 8 minutes, before I had Chuck. I wasn’t very good and I was totally out of shape, so I sat out a lot. And I was sore all the time. And I hurt myself a lot.

That being my last “real” skating experience (not counting the bout I skated in February), I expected to get out there and just try not to die.

But I did not die. And I actually did quite well (despite a broken piece on my skate, that I did not discover until late in the game….it’s a miracle I didn’t injure myself).

And I didn’t have to sit out.

And this morning, I didn’t have TOO much soreness. (My inner thighs and my butt are killing me though.)

I blame Daniel Alarik from Gruntstyle and his amazing workouts that I’ve been doing on and off. And I blame Mamavation for putting me on the road to being back in shape. And I blame myself for working my best and preparing myself for this, even through the rough personal stuff we’ve been going through.

Could I have done better? Absolutely. But that ship has sailed, and I’m (VERY BRIEFLY) resting on my laurels before I get right back to work.

This week I lost 0.2 pounds, but those were hard-earned. That was a lot of “there is soda in the house and I’m not going to drink it.” And “the kids want to eat out, but I know we have healthy stuff I can fix for dinner.” And “no, I don’t need to have a margarita with friends.” (Although I really wanted to do each of those things.)

Making good choices and strapping wheels on my feet to kick some tail. That’s my health mantra this week :)

So make this week count, and come next Sunday night, think good thoughts for me betwen 5pm and 7pm PST!

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My House Smells Like Berries.

My mom used to tell me a story about her friend Katie. Mommy Dearest loved to go over to Katie’s house because there was always something going on. Her dad was a member of a Pipe & Drum Corps (a marching bagpipe band) and would practice his big bass drum, twirling his mallets as they do in parades (and causing large lumps on his head as a result).

MD’s favorite part though, was the culinary aspect of it all. They always had something brewing in the basement, and some pot bubbling on the stove. She told me Katie’s family made their own dandelion wine, mead and something I assume was kombucha. There was always a pantry full of canned goodies and I believe Katie’s mom taught MD to put stuff in jars.

Jars ready for the canning pot

Another childhood memory of mine is “helping” my grandmother make applesauce in her tiny carpeted kitchen. I remember the paisley pattern of the well-loved carpet in that kitchen, and the paisley pattern of my grandma’s apron. I remember the “pock” sound the lids made when the seal engaged on the jars. I remember a well-worn spoon and a big flecked tin canning pot and waiting anxiously to use some rubber-banded tongs to help lift the jars from the pot.

I miss my grandma a lot.

So, I’ve been fighting some personal demons that have kept me away from my blog AND Twitter….(My Klout score dropped 6 points in 2 weeks. Ouch.) Lately, I’ve also been putting a lot of stuff in jars. I hosted a food swap at my house, and Kate Payne came.

I’m happiest when I’m feeding people. Or when I’m storing things for feeding people later. Or reading books about food. I’m good at it. I enjoy it immensely.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. Planting a garden with things we enjoy eating. Putting stuff in jars to feed people later. Learning how to make my own butter. Creating a compost system for our house. Being “Suzy Homemaker”.

9 pounds of fresh sun-ripened, hand-picked-by-me WA berries. Nom.

I’ve been amassing books and blog posts and any resources I can find about preserving and pickling and homesteading. We’ve researched chickens, and whether or not Devil Dog will try to eat them. We’re planning on building a vermicompost system. We picked 9 pounds of berries yesterday to make jams and pies.

Feeding my family is necessary for my survival, both as a mother and as a human being. It feeds my soul and therefore makes me a better mom to my kids. Making our own food teaches my kids how things go from dirt to mouth (and sometimes dirt goes in the mouth….thanks Chuck) and gardening is teaching them how to be responsible, how to take care of something other than themselves, and teaching them to be patient as we wait for the fennel to get big enough to harvest, and how sometimes the deer eat all of our gorgeous rainbow chard and we have to problem-solve a way to keep them out of our garden from now on. (The 8′ fence we have isn’t helping.)

So expect some of the regular snarky posts interspersed with posts about what we’re doing this summer, and how our garden is growing.

And maybe even some recipes, like I’ve been promising forever :)

And for those of you who have been asking, we are all doing great, and we’re almost back to normal. Or as normal as we choose to be!