Ouch.

Holy Internet, is has been a long time since I last posted for Mamavation and I need a lot more than Hail Marys to save me.

See me? Up here? On this enormous never ending plateau?

Yeah. I’m still here, hanging out in the high 230s/low 240s.

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And I’m angry at myself. Again.

I’m busting my butt doing NOTHING apparently.

Be it stress or eating or whatever I’m doing, something is keeping me up here on this plateau and I don’t know how to get down.

I’m going to roller derby practice 2-3 times a week and walking a lot. Should I add workouts? Should I eat just rice?

I’m confused and need help.

No whining and no excuses.

“I’m Matt”, Chuck says. I know she means she’s mad…she makes this super funny mock angry face with it.

Well baby, I’m “matt” too. On this, the day of my daughter’s second birthday… I wanted to lose 30 pounds by today.

And I’ve missed my goal by 6 stinking pounds.

I have no excuses because excuses are for lame-ass people who want to justify their actions.

I don’t want to justify it. I want to freaking FIX IT.

I’m tired of gaining and losing the same damned six pounds for the last three months.

I’m tired of people saying “wow, have you lost weight??” when I know full well that I haven’t and I’ve gained.

I’m tired of being “too busy” to work out, except for roller derby.

I’m tired of not being able to go shopping because I know nothing will fit.

I want to be able to wear fun clothes instead of blousy shirts and yoga pants.

I want to be able to keep up with my friends and not have to sit down quite so much. (heels suck, yo. I need more Earth Shoes.)

I want to go for a run with my friend. (who is 4 months pregnant and runs. I’m constantly amazed by her.)

I want to wear out a pair of New Balance Shoes running. I want to show my son that he can run a mile no problem because mom can do it too.

I don’t ever want to see this number again. EVER.

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And tomorrow I find out if I made it into the roller derby league. I’m so nervous I can’t breathe. I’ve put so much time and effort into derby that I’m hopeful to make it……but I think I’ll be ok if I don’t.

I will though…I rocked my tryout.

Mamavation question of the week:

How would you brand your health and wellness lifestyle? How do you want others to know you in this area?

My health and wellness lifestyle is turning hardcore. I’m switching (hopefully!!) to three skating practices a week, plus I’m hoping to hit at least two MMA bootcamps a week. Add to that another round of Gruntstyle’s Two week Challenge and a round of Couch to 5k, and I should be a busy monkey!

I would like people to see me as not someone to look up to but someone who understands how it is when you get stuck and someone who has gotten through it.

Someone who is awesome. :)

This post is sponsored by New Balance and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women!